Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
