Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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