I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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