i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
