today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
