Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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