I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
