I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
