Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
