the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
