Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
