C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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