yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
