Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
