6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
