where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
