I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
