I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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