im gay
i know
yea but for you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
