If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
