we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I need to calm my uterus...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
