we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
