i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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