Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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