we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
