ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
