nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
