I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
