She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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