I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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