Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
