My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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