you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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