your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
