note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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