this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
