fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
