You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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