Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Text me some of your sweat
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
