The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
