We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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