Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
