I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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