i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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