someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
