Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
