dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
