it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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