I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
