So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
