So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
